Marcelina Schossow: It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Vrun is entering the fourth grade. The teacher says, "In honor of Vrun's first day in an American School like ours, let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" the teacher asks the class.She sees before her a sea of blank faces, except for Vrun, who has his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he answers. 'Very good!' the teacher exclaims. “Now, who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' Again, no response except from Vrun: Abraham Lincoln, 1863'. The teacher snaps at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Vrun, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.' In response, she hears a loud whisper:from the back of the classroom: 'F*ck the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she shockingly demands.. On a roll, Vrun put his hand up. 'General Custer, 18! 62.' At that point, another student says, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks 'Class, stop this behavior and please tell me who said that?' Once more, Vrun says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.' The teacher is now trembling not only because the mayhem in the class is mounting, but also she cannot believe another student is yelling, 'Oh yeah? Su*k this!' Vrun, caught up in the frenzy surrounding him, jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!' Now with almost mob hysteria someone screams 'You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Fearless, Vrun frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.' With that, the teacher faints. And as the class gathers around the teacher on the floor, someone says, 'Oh sh*t, we're screwed!' And Vrun replies quietly, "I believe that was the American peo! ple, November 4, 2008."...Show more
Carmelina Enoch: Tel! l me the funniest thing u can think of I could use a good laugh right now :)
Dominic Sciancalepore: I like riddles because they can be challenging, yet fun.
Jodie Capella: I like both, do both. Riddles make you think and they are more fun for me but Ive heard really good jokes. Knock knock jokes and QandA are not funny ones. I like jokes like Lil' Johny.
Kaley Lappas: riddles
Melvin Nakama: Warning Dirty but Funny Joke:As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if your afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he would be. He looks deeply into your eyes, and tells you to trust him- he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him enou! gh room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he takes it slowly, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give away; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are to numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you. You lay there panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly,tells you, that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it is you r first time having your tooth pulled.What were you thinking I was talking about?...Show more
Alisa Kaleiwahea: these r kind of dirtyThere were these three guys o! utside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy.! They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous woman. Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream. The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder. The Chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me Chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His co! ol smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, what were you think! ing'? There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long bus! iness trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man. "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …" said the old man, and then he stopped. "Except what?" asked the businessman. "Nothing, nothing," said the old man. "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the businessman. "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'vood! oo dick,'" the old man said. "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big ******* deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. The businessman said, "I'll take it!" The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her i! t was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "V! oodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she d
Bethany Blocker: Can it be dirty?
Robt Betker: They're both good, but I like jokes more, umm no riddles, wow this question is making me think a lot LOL well hmm i say riddles? :p
Cletus Makler: A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't brin! g that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"...Show more
Pasty Cobbett: dirty, clean, blonde, irish, what ever you want. - NO RACIST JOKES PLEASE!!!
Gaston Edgcomb: He goes "Wait, that's a duck deck?" and then he comes back and says,"Wait, bark bark for! peegs?!"
Marhta Teahan: Two old guys in a bar. One is looking a! t two other guys across the bar. He asks his buddy if that is what they will look like in 10 years. His buddy says, "That's the mirror behind the bar".
Esteban Lyson: My vote would go to riddles... cos they make u think, and this prevents many mental diseases like Alzheimer's, and also, if u manage to answer one, you'd feel really really smart. XD not forgetting to mention, your friends would think of you as a smart guy too... (or just lame like me...)
Sherri Drakos: I personally love jokes. Riddles are fun....but jokes just have that funny and catchy punch line. I like jokes because they're funny.But I still luv riddles.MERRRRYYYY CHRISTMAS!!!!Luv,Gigglygirly^_^...Show more
Monty Sieloff: jokes riddles make u think
Natalya Sydney: ninety 12 months historic guy: My 28 12 months historic spouse is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me let you know a tale. A hunter in a rush grabs an umbrella as an alternative of the gun. He actions into the w! oods, sees a undergo, lifts the umbrella, pulls the manage and BANG... The undergo drops useless! Old guy: Thats inconceivable; anyone else ought to have shot the undergo. Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!
Launa Weingarten: FLAT TUMMYA little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts . Worried about what her son has seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing? "The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.""You're wasting your time." say's the boy."Why is that? asked his mom, puzzled? "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up"....Show more
Valentine Willinger: in my own opinion I would say put half and half because riddles are brain teasers and jokes make you laugh so you should have ha! lf and half.
May Stands: jokes. a mix of both would be nice. half! and half.
Ellis Cellar: A man in North Carolina has a flat tire, pulls off on the side of the road, and proceeds to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.Then he gets back in the car to wait. A passerby studies the scene and is so curious he turns around and goes back. He asks the fellow what the problem is.The man replies, 'I have a flat tire.' The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'...Show more
Nannie Kasee: your life
Lu Tiner: what do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you pull the pin and throw it back!hopeso obama opra and palin are on a plane obama says he can throw out 1 100 dollar bill and make 1 person happy opra sais she can throw out 10 50 dollar bills and make 10 people happy palin sais she can throw out 20 10 dollar bills and make 20 ppl happy the pilot sai! s he can throw all 3 of you out and make 56 billion ppl happy.so a guy walks in a bar and bartender sais i will give you a free beer if you make the horse laugh and he makes the horse crack up and the bar tender ask how but he sais nothing the next day he walks in and the bar tender sais ill give you free burgers if you make the horse cry and he did so when the bartender ask how he sais to make him laugh he said my dick is bigger than yours to make him cry he prooved hoped i helped!!!!
Anton Waln: I think riddles are better because they make you think "outside the box" a little more often.
Glynda Darrin: I prefer jokes, but riddles are okay.
Davis Zou: I like riddles better. It gets people being puzzled all the time when I tell them. Riddles 2 me R FUNNIER!
Idell Dufort: A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D. ?' The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'
Rheba Cockman: Tell me the funniest thing u can thi! nk of I could use a good laugh right now :)
Dick Ovdenk: Both
!Nedra Oltz: both
Hope Lundmark: What goes oooooo?A cow with no lips.
Mee Blumenfeld: riddles
Lia Argall: Joke oneTwas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have a good mind to scrap the whole works.I've busted my *** for damn near a year,Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at nightThe elves want more money - The reindeer all fight.Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maidsDonner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDSAnd just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from IRS sent me a letterThey say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funnyWho the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?And the kids these days - they all are the pitsThey want the impossible ...Those mean little shitsI spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls...Their arms, legs and headsI made a ton of yo yo's - No! request for themThey want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!Flying through the air...dodging the treesFalling down chimneys and skinning my kneesI'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoymentI'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemploymentThere's no Christmas this year...now you know the reasonI found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!Joke 2Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."JOKE 3A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. ! He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for ! his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and that he would have to return the next day."What for!" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's why!" As the young man reached for his wallet, the judge relented, "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. I'm just checking to see if I have enough for two more words." joke 4A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."His first day on the job was rough ! but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?" Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, y! our weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"joke 5A man is dinin! g in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO in
Donny Bankson: Jokes
Debora Soliani: I think riddles is better than jokes.Beacause yur brain is working and t! hinking what is the answer on this riddle.But I will say jokes are also good.I love riddles,but I don't like much of jokes 'coz some jokes are bad and some are good.
Lia Argall: YO MAMA :D
Caleb Chapman: I like both.
Charline Granes: Rosalie was a beautiful lassShe a most magificent a$$It wasn't round and pinkas you might thinkIt was gray, had long ears , and ate grass .
Alphonso Brake: There were three men talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third man remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two blokes where amazed. "What happened then?" they asked."She said 'GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!'."
No comments:
Post a Comment